How the Weight of All the Roles We Play Keeps the Body in Survival Mode
There’s a kind of tiredness that sleep doesn’t fix. I know it well.
For years I’ve moved through life as mother, daughter, sister, wife, friend and business owner. When my children were small, I was a single mum trying to hold everything together, working, parenting and keeping life moving forward on my own. Things look calmer now that they’re older, but the load hasn’t really lifted.
My children are young adults now. Their needs of me have changed, but they still need me, just in new ways. The practical jobs have changed, but the mental ones never really stopped; they’ve simply evolved. I used to handle the bills, the work decisions and the endless planning whilst ensuring the PE kit was clean and managing bedtime routines. Those early years trained my brain to run on constant alert, and even now, with grown-up children, it still runs that way. The pace of life has shifted, but the sense of responsibility hasn’t.
Many of the women I teach describe the same exhaustion. It isn’t one big event that wears them down, but the constant pull of competing roles. We call it busy or normal life, but the science calls it role strain – when the demands of all we carry exceed the energy or time we have to give. It is the reason so many of us feel permanently switched on, even when the day is done.
How the Body Reacts When You’re Always Needed
The body’s response to stress is automatic and deeply rooted in our biology. It begins in the hypothalamus, a small area at the base of the brain responsible for regulating the body’s internal balance. When the brain perceives stress, whether from physical danger, emotional pressure or constant responsibility, the hypothalamus activates what is called the hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal (HPA) axis.
The hypothalamus sends a signal to the pituitary gland, which then releases adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH). This hormone travels through the bloodstream to the adrenal glands, located on top of the kidneys, telling them to release adrenaline and cortisol (McEwen, 2016).
Adrenaline acts within seconds. It increases heart rate, dilates the pupils, raises blood pressure and directs blood flow towards the large muscles of the arms and legs. This prepares the body for immediate action. Cortisol follows more slowly and has a longer-lasting effect. It releases stored glucose from the liver to provide energy, suppresses the immune system to conserve resources and reduces sensitivity to pain so that the body can continue to function under pressure (Bair et al., 2014).
This process is essential for short-term challenges, but it is not designed to run constantly. When cortisol remains elevated for long periods, it begins to disrupt other systems. High cortisol reduces insulin sensitivity, increases inflammation and interferes with the normal release of melatonin, which is needed for restorative sleep. It also weakens the feedback loop that normally switches the stress response off once a threat has passed. The result is a body that stays in a semi-alert state, even when life is calm.
Over time, this chronic activation reshapes the nervous system itself. Neural pathways that support vigilance strengthen, while those that regulate relaxation weaken. The body becomes efficient at staying alert but less capable of returning to balance. This is why even small demands can start to feel overwhelming, and why rest no longer feels restorative.
The Invisible Weight of Mental Load
The stress system does not require physical effort to activate. Thoughts alone can trigger it. The brain responds to perceived threat, not just real danger, and responsibility counts as threat in biological terms. The mental load – the continuous cycle of remembering, organising and anticipating – keeps this system active.
Every time the brain engages in planning or worry, it triggers low-level sympathetic activity. This repeated stimulation releases small amounts of cortisol throughout the day, creating what researchers call allostatic load – the cumulative wear and tear caused by chronic stress exposure (Zaccaro et al., 2023).
Even mild but continuous activation affects the body’s internal rhythms. It suppresses the production of serotonin and dopamine, neurotransmitters linked to calmness and motivation. It also reduces heart rate variability (HRV), which measures the adaptability of the autonomic nervous system. Low HRV indicates that the body has lost some of its flexibility in switching between alert and recovery states, a key sign of burnout and fatigue.
This explains why so many people feel exhausted despite doing less physical work than they once did. The brain is running in high gear, processing complex emotional, relational and logistical demands that rarely stop. The load may be invisible, but its effects are biological and measurable.
Why Midlife Makes It More Reactive
Midlife brings new pressures at the exact time the body’s natural resilience begins to shift. Fluctuating hormones, particularly oestrogen, alter how the brain and adrenal glands communicate. Oestrogen normally acts as a buffer, helping regulate the intensity of the HPA axis. When levels fluctuate, the buffer weakens, and cortisol responses can become stronger or last longer than before.
This change makes the nervous system more reactive. A situation that once caused mild tension can now lead to palpitations, irritability or difficulty sleeping. Cortisol also interacts with other hormones, including thyroid and insulin, influencing metabolism and energy stability (Anwer et al., 2023). Over time, this can lead to what endocrinologists refer to as adrenal adaptation – a state where cortisol patterns become irregular. Levels may be too high in the morning and too low later in the day, leading to fatigue, foggy thinking and disrupted sleep.
Because the brain and body work as one integrated system, this dysregulation affects mood and concentration as well. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation, is particularly sensitive to cortisol. Prolonged exposure reduces its efficiency, which can show up as forgetfulness, reduced focus or emotional overwhelm.
In essence, midlife does not create new stress; it amplifies existing ones by removing some of the hormonal support that once kept the body’s systems stable.
The Physical Signs of Constant Stress
Chronic activation of the stress system has a physical signature. Muscles that should contract and release begin to hold constant low-level tension. The shoulders lift, the neck shortens and breathing becomes shallow, often limited to the upper chest. Over time, this pattern alters joint alignment and restricts oxygen exchange.
Research has shown that habitual shallow breathing raises baseline levels of carbon dioxide, subtly affecting blood pH and contributing to feelings of fatigue and brain fog (Lehrer and Gevirtz, 2014). These mechanical patterns are not simply bad posture; they are the body’s way of managing stress energy when there is no clear outlet for it.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, this same state is described as stagnation of qi, particularly through the Liver and Gallbladder meridians, which are associated with decision-making and direction. When movement and breath restore flow along these channels, both physical and emotional flexibility improve (What Are Meridians?, 2023). The modern explanation is different but the outcome is the same: tension eases when the nervous system regains access to its full range of motion and rhythm.
Finding a Way Back to Recovery
Recovery begins when the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system reclaims its role. This system lowers heart rate, reduces blood pressure and reactivates digestion, immune repair and hormone balance. It cannot be forced; it must be invited through consistent signals of safety.
Gentle, repetitive movement practices like Tai Chi Qigong Shibashi are highly effective in providing these signals. The slow pace, circular motion and controlled breathing stimulate the vagus nerve, which connects the brainstem to most internal organs. This stimulation increases heart rate variability and helps the body re-establish healthy oscillation between alertness and rest (Balban et al., 2023; Lehrer and Gevirtz, 2014).
Unlike high-intensity exercise, which can elevate cortisol temporarily, Shibashi reduces overall load on the nervous system. It allows stored muscular tension to release gradually while keeping the mind engaged enough to prevent restlessness. Over time, this repeated pattern rewires the stress response itself, teaching the brain that it is safe to downshift without losing control.
Redefining Balance on Our Own Terms
Our roles will always be part of who we are, but they do not have to define how our bodies function. The Shibashi Method™ offers a structure for restoration that blends movement, breath and awareness into one process. It is not abstract philosophy; it is applied physiology.
Balance is not achieved by doing less, but by giving the body a chance to recover between demands. With practice, this becomes an internal rhythm rather than an external schedule. Breathing deepens, muscles soften, and thinking becomes clearer. This is not escape, but recalibration.
If you recognise yourself in these words, you are not alone. Join me to Press Pause, for 10 minutes to Unwind your Mind. Together we will rebuild calm in the space between all the roles you play.
References (Harvard style)
Anwer, S., Alghadir, A., Iqbal, A. and Al-Eisa, E. (2023) ‘Effect of exercise combined with mindfulness breathing on cortisol levels in women with type 2 diabetes’, Frontiers in Physiology, 14, 1186546. doi:10.3389/fphys.2023.1186546.
Bair, M. J., Wu, J., Damush, T. M., Sutherland, J. M. and Kroenke, K. (2014) ‘Chronic stress, cortisol dysfunction and pain’, Psychoneuroendocrinology, 47, pp. 95–107. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2014.05.014.
Balban, M. Y., Buonomano, D. V., Sander, D. and Sapolsky, R. M. (2023) ‘Breathwork vs meditation for acute stress regulation: a randomized controlled trial’, Cell Reports Medicine, 4(2), 100983. doi:10.1016/j.xcrm.2023.100983.
Lehrer, P. M. and Gevirtz, R. (2014) ‘Heart rate variability biofeedback: how and why does it work?’, Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 756. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00756.
McEwen, B. S. (2016) ‘The effects of chronic stress on health: insights into the stress response’, Molecular Psychiatry, 21(8), pp. 1058–1070. doi:10.1038/mp.2016.90.
Zaccaro, A., Palmieri, L., Piarulli, A. and Laurino, M. (2023) ‘Acute effects of breathing exercises on muscle tension and psychological stress’, Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1155134. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1155134.
